回归Coming back
时间: 2011-08-15 00:36:34
分类: 心情日志
天气：雨
我不敢相信。我有多久没回来了？我忘记了这个地方，不是么？
但我没有忘记你。我们永远在彼此身边，在彼此的内心深处。可是这是不可触及的事物和存在。
我这一年多来一直很悲伤。很孤独。我甚至无法正常继续我的生活和学习。
我仍然在努力，我有什么资格不努力呢？可是我只想静静地走到某一个角落里，抛弃一切不重要的琐事，把剩下的生命燃烧在千万种色彩之中。
我活着的日子，也许永远都见不到你，我不觉得任何尝试还有什么意义。我仍然会尝试的，但是……我太过绝望，以致于那不足以支撑我走下去。疲惫，遥远，混乱，迷惑。我宁愿用更为简单的办法沉湎在过去的影子里面。
我很难过。我对自己深深不满，又无可奈何。
我永远不会去自裁，那是不被允许的；我也不会去沉浸于酒精和药品，那会损伤我的神智，我所珍惜的理智和思维。可是，我还是沉沦在另一种更高形式的麻醉药之中。
我想你。我想所有人。也许我的每一句话和每一个动作都能传达给你，可是我仍然孤独一人。
我想通过毁灭，来达到拯救，但是我如此犹豫；
我想通过死亡，来获得重生，但是我拒绝失误。
我愿意等待，从不后悔。如此漫长，如此悲伤，在自毁的怪圈里无法脱身……
我会再次见到你的，除非一切都不再有意义……
不论要用怎样的方法，我仍然是当年那个永远不知道什么是后悔的人，永远不变……
P.S.虽然我过得很糟糕，很颓废，学习不断下滑，但是我开始写诗写歌剧，绘画逐渐进步……哦，该死，这大概是右半球迟来的逆袭。
P.S.S.是的，我打算接着给你写日记。对着空气交谈并不像写日记这样有效……
————————
I can't believe my eyes.Just how long have I been away?Didn't I totally forget this place?
But I didn't forget you,never.We're always with each other,deep inside.But such existence is untouchable...
I've been so sorrowful for more than a year.So lonely.Can you believe I didn't even manage to cope with my study?And my daily life?
Woe,I'm still struggling even now,so desperately yet so futile.How can I stop trying?But all that I want to do,is to walk away to somewhere isolated,and forget everything unimportant.I wanna burn whatever is left of my life in the flames of a thousand colors.
I may never see you again in my living days.Any attempt seems so useless now...So meaningless,and so frustrating.I WILL still try.But I'm SO sad that I can't keep going just for sth simple as that.Tiresome,remoted,totally deranged and deep in confusion.Ah,how I wish I could just get drown in a simpler shadow of the past!
I'm so sad.So angry with myself,yet so powerless as I watch everything break down.
No I won't just go die;it's not allowed.I won't go get addicted to alcohol and drugs either,for they will damage my mind and tear my precious sanity apart.Yet,I do allow myself to wallow in some novocaine that is in a higher form.
I MISS you.I miss everyone.Every word and every move may get transmitted to you one way or another;but on my side,I AM alone.
I want to destroy sth to bring salvation.But I hesitate.
I want to die some to gain the long lost rebirth.But I do not accept failures.
I'm willing to wait.I do not regret anything.Such endlessness,such sorrow,so caught in the vicious circle of self-destruction...
I will see you again,unless everything loses all meanings...
I don't care about how.I'm still the person in ancient times that never say "regret".This will never change,ever.
P.S.Yeah,as you can see,my life is a total mess...I fail at my study,after all.Weird thing is that I'm starting to write poems and operas!And I'm improving in drawing as well...Do you think this is the damn revenge of my RH(right hemisphere) eventually coming?XD
P.S.S.Yes I WILL come back and write diaries for you again...You see,talking to the air doesn't work as well.=_=
但我没有忘记你。我们永远在彼此身边，在彼此的内心深处。可是这是不可触及的事物和存在。
我这一年多来一直很悲伤。很孤独。我甚至无法正常继续我的生活和学习。
我仍然在努力，我有什么资格不努力呢？可是我只想静静地走到某一个角落里，抛弃一切不重要的琐事，把剩下的生命燃烧在千万种色彩之中。
我活着的日子，也许永远都见不到你，我不觉得任何尝试还有什么意义。我仍然会尝试的，但是……我太过绝望，以致于那不足以支撑我走下去。疲惫，遥远，混乱，迷惑。我宁愿用更为简单的办法沉湎在过去的影子里面。
我很难过。我对自己深深不满，又无可奈何。
我永远不会去自裁，那是不被允许的；我也不会去沉浸于酒精和药品，那会损伤我的神智，我所珍惜的理智和思维。可是，我还是沉沦在另一种更高形式的麻醉药之中。
我想你。我想所有人。也许我的每一句话和每一个动作都能传达给你，可是我仍然孤独一人。
我想通过毁灭，来达到拯救，但是我如此犹豫；
我想通过死亡，来获得重生，但是我拒绝失误。
我愿意等待，从不后悔。如此漫长，如此悲伤，在自毁的怪圈里无法脱身……
我会再次见到你的，除非一切都不再有意义……
不论要用怎样的方法，我仍然是当年那个永远不知道什么是后悔的人，永远不变……
P.S.虽然我过得很糟糕，很颓废，学习不断下滑，但是我开始写诗写歌剧，绘画逐渐进步……哦，该死，这大概是右半球迟来的逆袭。
P.S.S.是的，我打算接着给你写日记。对着空气交谈并不像写日记这样有效……
————————
I can't believe my eyes.Just how long have I been away?Didn't I totally forget this place?
But I didn't forget you,never.We're always with each other,deep inside.But such existence is untouchable...
I've been so sorrowful for more than a year.So lonely.Can you believe I didn't even manage to cope with my study?And my daily life?
Woe,I'm still struggling even now,so desperately yet so futile.How can I stop trying?But all that I want to do,is to walk away to somewhere isolated,and forget everything unimportant.I wanna burn whatever is left of my life in the flames of a thousand colors.
I may never see you again in my living days.Any attempt seems so useless now...So meaningless,and so frustrating.I WILL still try.But I'm SO sad that I can't keep going just for sth simple as that.Tiresome,remoted,totally deranged and deep in confusion.Ah,how I wish I could just get drown in a simpler shadow of the past!
I'm so sad.So angry with myself,yet so powerless as I watch everything break down.
No I won't just go die;it's not allowed.I won't go get addicted to alcohol and drugs either,for they will damage my mind and tear my precious sanity apart.Yet,I do allow myself to wallow in some novocaine that is in a higher form.
I MISS you.I miss everyone.Every word and every move may get transmitted to you one way or another;but on my side,I AM alone.
I want to destroy sth to bring salvation.But I hesitate.
I want to die some to gain the long lost rebirth.But I do not accept failures.
I'm willing to wait.I do not regret anything.Such endlessness,such sorrow,so caught in the vicious circle of self-destruction...
I will see you again,unless everything loses all meanings...
I don't care about how.I'm still the person in ancient times that never say "regret".This will never change,ever.
P.S.Yeah,as you can see,my life is a total mess...I fail at my study,after all.Weird thing is that I'm starting to write poems and operas!And I'm improving in drawing as well...Do you think this is the damn revenge of my RH(right hemisphere) eventually coming?XD
P.S.S.Yes I WILL come back and write diaries for you again...You see,talking to the air doesn't work as well.=_=